A self-pity entry:

A lot of my dear friends' birthday actually falls in this month. As I thought about 'Birthdays' this morning, I actually cried. Hmmm...

Many people look forward to their birthdays. I used to, but not anymore. Why? Cos what I want, I can't have. I can't even spend the day with the one I want to spend time with. What's the point of celebrating birthday? I no longer know what I want. I guess I have more needs than wants. I need a miracle now. I don't desire any gifts at all. In fact, I usually don't know how to react when people give me gifts.

Someone once commented that I'm wallowing in self-pity. I think I am.

Birthday should be a happy occasion, but somehow it makes me feel empty on the inside. Even when I go out with my best friends, at the end of the day, when it's time to go home, the sense of loneliness comes back again. (Do not attempt to tell me I'm not alone, I have friends, and God is with me, etc...) I know all these. Seriously. I don't need any comforting at all. I'm just penning down my thoughts so that when I looked back many years from now, I'll know my thought pattern. Is this considered self-pity?

I need God to fill that emptiness in my heart. No one else will do except You.